Cross Talk - and other non-direct communication strategies

Voicing your thoughts, thinking aloud, speaking rhetorically, or using “Cross Talk” can be an effective way to manage challenging behaviour. Like declarative language, it helps reduce demands and avoid confrontation.

Cross Talk works because it allows the adult to avoid addressing the child or young person (CYP) directly, which can be especially helpful when the CYP is highly anxious and more likely to react negatively.

By talking across the young person, expressing concern, wondering aloud, and suggesting what may have gone wrong, the adult can show curiosity—an important but often challenging part of the PACE (Playful, Accepting, Curious and Empathetic) approach. This avoids adding further demands and shows the CYP that the adult is trying to understand and help.

Cross Talk can be particularly effective when two members of staff speak in front of the CYP. By expressing concern, asking what may have happened, and reflecting on how the young person might be feeling, they can also suggest ways to help the CYP recover.

For example:

Adult 1 to Adult 2: “Hi, could you help me with C?”

Adult 2: “Of course. Do you know what has happened?”

Adult 1: “I think C may have fallen out with their friend, but I’m not sure.”

Adult 2: “Oh no. I can see that C looks upset. I wonder if that’s how they are feeling?”

Adult 1: “I think so. Perhaps they could spend some time with you, as I don’t think I’m the adult they need right now.”

At any point, the CYP (“C”) may join in, and the two adults can then move into direct conversation because C has invited it. Throughout, the CYP has not been told to do anything. Instead, staff have wondered aloud, shown curiosity, suggested what may have happened, and offered ideas to help the CYP regulate and recover.

A second adult may not always be available. In that case, one adult can still use Cross Talk by speaking across the CYP or to the room in a rhetorical way. For example, they might say, “Is it noisy in here?” or “I wonder why X is sitting there?” This indirect approach avoids placing extra demands on the CYP or the class and gives them valuable time to process and respond.

This approach can also be used to offer praise and positive reinforcement to a CYP who may struggle with direct praise. Phrases such as “Have you seen what Y has done?” or “I really like the way X is…” provide subtle, low-pressure recognition. Because these comments are framed as the adult’s observations, they are often easier for the CYP to accept while still communicating that they are valued and deserving of praise.

I would be very happy to discuss bespoke workshops focused on this simple but powerful strategy.